It is crazy to think it is 6 months post my cancer diagnosis. A 6 month survivor. This week I went for my check up. First things first, I LOVE my Doctor! It was such a blessing when I was paired up with her. I knew she had been petitioning my insurance to pay for genetic testing to see if I had the gene for another cancer occurrence. My sister had thyroid cancer and hers came back within a little over a year. This had always been my biggest concern, a re-occurrence.
It is funny how life works. You often think oh my goodness, what if something bad were to happen (it did, I was diagnosed in December). After the diagnosis I really wanted to sweep this under the rug. Forget about it! It was done, over, final. Oh, if only that were the case! (Back to my appt...) My doctor walked in and said, I have your genetic results! (Really, I didn't know we had gotten the confirmation that insurance gave the go ahead!). "You are positive". (Wait a minute, positive? Is this good or bad?) "Jami, you are a carrier of the gene for a cancer re-occurrence." (Yes, I felt like another bomb had been dropped and I had been working so hard on sweeping the last one under the rug). After I took a deep breathe, a quick squeeze of my husbands hand, I just wanted to know what it meant. So in a nut shell, I am the 1%, an exception, 1 in a million (literally! ). Instead of having lab work every 3-6months I will have ultrasounds every three months and a quick biopsy if anything looks out of the ordinary. (Did I mention I HATE NEEDLES?) The thought of a biopsy is NOT my idea of a good time. But I also know that I can handle it. I bought a necklace charm right after my diagnosis... One the front side it says "I am not afraid" the backside reads "I was born to do this". After letting my most recent news sit in my brain, I realized this has never been so true. This crazy gene, it has always been there. Now I just know about it.
Why is this happening? I may never know. But I do know that there is something to be learned in all of this. I often think of Tim McGraw's song "Live Like You are Dying". I will never forget Listening to him sing it live in KC with my sister. Tears streamed down her face while she was screaming the words out loud at the concert. I understand now that she got it. She completely understood at that given moment the importance of that song's message. The thing is, we are only here for such a short time, but we are so absorbed with our own lives that we forget the important stuff. Sweeping this diagnosis under rug allowed me to fall back into my old habits. Book way to many things into an already overloaded schedule. Skimp out on important family time. Short change my time spent with the Lord in the mornings. So maybe finding this craziness out is another wake up call. Often times the call comes and we are so busy listening to our iPod we don't hear it. Funny how quickly I had forgotten the last one! Today I vow to change that. I will enjoy the small things in life. I won't allow myself to get so bogged down that I don't "live like I am dying" (in all reality aren't we all born to die?). And I challenge you to do the same. It is summer, enjoy your sweaty kids that have come in from outside wanting a popsicle. Take the time to rub sunscreen on our spouses back. Buy the person behind you af Baskin Robins their ice cream. Maybe if we all do these little things for each other we will remember why we are really here!
There you have it, 6 months out and another new adventure begins! Monday the 25th I will have my first ultra sound. I know regardless of the results, I can handle it! "I was born to do this!"
Until next time,
Jami
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