Where Has Time Gone?!?!

It is crazy to think it is 6 months post my cancer diagnosis. A 6 month survivor. This week I went for my check up. First things first, I LOVE my Doctor! It was such a blessing when I was paired up with her. I knew she had been petitioning my insurance to pay for genetic testing to see if I had the gene for another cancer occurrence.  My sister had thyroid cancer and hers came back within a little over a year. This had always been my biggest concern, a re-occurrence.

It is funny how life works. You often think oh my goodness, what if something bad were to happen (it did, I was diagnosed in December). After the diagnosis I really wanted to sweep this under the rug. Forget about it! It was done, over, final. Oh, if only that were the case!  (Back to my appt...) My doctor walked in and said, I have your genetic results! (Really, I didn't know we had gotten the confirmation that insurance gave the go ahead!). "You are positive". (Wait a minute, positive? Is this good or bad?) "Jami, you are a carrier of the gene for a cancer re-occurrence." (Yes, I felt like another bomb had been dropped and I had been working so hard on sweeping the last one under the rug). After I took a deep breathe, a quick squeeze of my husbands hand, I just wanted to know what it meant. So in a nut shell, I am the 1%, an exception,  1 in a million (literally! ). Instead of having lab work every 3-6months I will have ultrasounds every three months and a quick biopsy if anything looks out of the ordinary. (Did I mention I HATE NEEDLES?) The thought of a biopsy is NOT my idea of a good time. But I also know that I can handle it. I bought a necklace charm right after my diagnosis... One the front side it says "I am not afraid" the backside reads "I was born to do this". After letting my most recent news sit in my brain, I realized this has never been so true. This crazy gene, it has always been there. Now I just know about it.

Why is this happening? I may never know. But I do know that there is something to be learned in all of this. I often think of Tim McGraw's song "Live Like You are Dying". I will never forget Listening to him sing it live in KC with my sister. Tears streamed down her face while she was screaming the words out loud at the concert. I understand now that she got it. She completely understood at that given moment the importance of that song's message. The thing is, we are only here for such a short time, but we are so absorbed with our own lives that we forget the important stuff. Sweeping this diagnosis under rug allowed me to fall back into my old habits. Book way to many things into an already overloaded schedule. Skimp out on important family time. Short change my time spent with the Lord in the mornings. So maybe finding this craziness out is another wake up call. Often times the call comes and we are so busy listening to our iPod we don't hear it. Funny how quickly I had forgotten the last one! Today I vow to change that. I will enjoy the small things in life. I won't allow myself to get so bogged down that I don't "live like I am dying" (in all reality aren't we all born to die?). And I challenge you to do the same. It is summer, enjoy your sweaty kids that have come in from outside wanting a popsicle.  Take the time to rub sunscreen on our spouses back. Buy the person behind you af Baskin Robins their ice cream. Maybe if we all do these little things for each other we will remember why we are really here!

There you have it, 6 months out and another new adventure begins! Monday the 25th I will have my first ultra sound. I know regardless of the results, I can handle it! "I was born to do this!"
Until next time,
Jami

Pray without ceasing

"Pray without ceasing", these words are instructions to live by, they are the title of a bulletin board I had when I was teaching 4th grade at Lawton Christian Elementary School, and they have sustained me since Dev 14th.  On the 14th I knew I had cancer, I knew my thyroid had been removed, but the looming question was, "Now what?".  My thyroid cancer was Stage 1, which truly is the best of the worst.  Since the 14th my BIGGEST concern was a reoccurence of cancer.  I have known multiple friends/family that had been diagnoses with thyroid cancer and each of them had a reoccurence.  That is SCARY!  I didn't know if radiation was in the cards for me, I didn't know if there was maybe some left in the area, but I did know I would pray without ceasing.  Friends were praying, family was praying, I even think my dog began praying!  And I knew first hand prayer works!

Today I learned my plan of action!  I met with my endocrinologist whom I LOVE!!!  She listens, she hears my concerns, and she pays attention to me as a patient, not just lab results (thanks be to God!).  Dr. Dahir first asked me if the surgeon (Dr. Solarzano) had tried to talk me out of my surgery. 
(I guess I should have stated earlier that I really only had a few nodules on my ultrasound back in November when I had it done.  Yes, this is a small concern, but many people have nodules and they are nothing.  My surgeon stated, "many people think they need their thyroid out, when actuallity they don't."  I expressed to her that I really felt mine needed to be removed and I didn't feel comfortable leaving it in.  I pushed the issue because I didn't have a good feeling (listen to your intuition!). She was a little hesitant, but So I scheduled me for the surgery.  The surgeon really didn't think I would have an issue and was not expecting cancer at all.  We all know that wasn't the case! I think you are caught up now!)

Back to today's appointment... My tumor markers needed to be between 0.9-2 to show that there were no active cancer cells.  Mine were BELOW 0.9! (God is GOOD!!!)  That means they are TOTALLY undetectable!  This means as of now they got it all! Not only that, it means NO RADIATION!  Does this mean I am totally out of the woods for a reoccurence?  No.  (Although I am believing this is a one time deal~!)  But for now I feel like I have a huge burden lifted off my shoulders.  I will be going back every three months for the next year.  I will most likely have more testing done to see if I am predisposed to have a reoccurence, I will have to monitor my tumor markers like a hawk, and I will have an increase of meds to keep the thyroid tissue/hormone at a very low level.  But most of all I will pray without ceasing! 

The above statement is one that I used in my class/school.  And one I wish more people believed, not just verbalized. (As humans we provide the best lip service around!) The last month plus has been difficult and I know in the days ahead that the enemy is sure to try and attack me and place doubt in my head.  But today as I was leaving the doctor's office I knew that God never forsakes us, He never leaves us, He is good ALL the time.  Was it because I was blessed with a good report?  No, regardless of today's information, He is going to be with me through this all.

I don't know what you are dealing with at this very moment.  Maybe there is something you have kept to yourself and not shared with anyone.  Or maybe you have shared your story as I have.  What ever it is, whether it is a good situation (a job promotion, an addition to your family, a reconsiliation) or a difficult situation (a long deployment, a child who is trying your patience, or a relationship that is on the rocks), I encourage you, I am begging you, PRAY WITHOUT CEASING.  You will find it may not change the exact situation, but I can guarantee you it will change you.  See, God works like that, when we least expect it, He helps us grow in ways we didn't know we were capable of (never really thought I would be a blog writer!), He comforts us when there seems to be no comfort, and He reminds us that rainbows appear after the rain.

I want to thank each and everyone of you who have read this blog, who have prayed for my family and I, and who have sent words of encouragement, messages of hope, and expressed acts of kindness. (There are to many to name!) They have meant the world to Aaron and I.  I know my story isn't over (and Aaron's is just getting started) and I have no doubt I have more blogs to write!   I look forward to many more days as a SURVIVOR and many more words to inspire! But tonight I pray a special blessing for you.  May you pray without ceasing, and allow God to do, what only He can! (Know I will be praying for you too!!!!!)

An inconvenience, or was it?

To say the least, the thought of my having cancer took a bit to get used to.  Even now it seems a little surreal.  After my diagnosis, the only thing I wanted to do was "make it through" the holidays.  Not so much in a life or death sense (not really worried about that).  But in the sense of not breaking down, not losing it, not bawling when my nephews made a comment about me having the "same line as mom does on your throat".  So here I was, preparing for this trip back for Christmas, packing, planning, scheduling, etc., etc.  We would sign out on leave on Wednesday, be home that afternoon, and spend time with family.  Well that was the way "I" had it planned out.  Fortunately as we all know, God often has a different plan. 

Tuesday the 20th, Aaron was supposed to be done working around 11ish.  They were on half days for those still in the office and I couldn't wait for him to get home.  Then I get a text.  "Christmas plans may change, just got tagged with an assignment."  WHAT?!?!?  I was already nerved up about going home, and now we may have to change it all?  I NEED A BREAK!!!!!  To say the least by the time he got home I was beyond frustrated.  We were planning to leave early Wednesday and now this was all on hold.  To top it off, we may have to come back early.  Little did I know God was protecting my husband in a way I could have never envisioned.

My husband had been complaining of a stiff back that Monday (19th) after he had played 2 hours of volleyball with myself and my club volleyball team.  A friend of ours is a chiropractor and had encouraged Aaron to stop by for an adjustment prior to us going on leave.  (I am sure he knew Aaron would be in the car for an extended period of time and most likely rough housing it with 3 nephews who have taken up the sport of wrestling this year).  Since we now had this "extra time", Aaron went in for an adjustment.  An adjustment that would change our worlds once again.  Through a diligent exam, the chiropractor decided x-rays were a must before the adjustment.  And just like that I felt my world would be flipped upside down again for the second time in exactly one week.  On December 21st Aaron was diagnosed with a broken back.  His L4 vertebra had 4 fractures in it and the disc between the L4 & L5 was torn almost completely through. 

Here we were, just trying to over come one diagnosis, and then we were hit with this.  This time though I wasn't mad, I wasn't fearful, I understood.  God's words of " I will not leave you or forsake you" continued to play over and over in my head.  You see that inconvenience of the tasking that Aaron received, when we should have been signed out on leave could have been one of the most important of his career.  Not because it played an important part in the Army or his unit. It gave him time, time to go to the doctor and be diagnosed.  In January when we returned, he would have been scheduled to jump again with an airborne unit and that landing could have been detrimental.  To say the least, the jump won't be happening.  But what will be happening is him recovering.  We don't know exactly the treatment plan yet, but we will in the very near future.  Surgery is possible, rest is mandatory, and cross-fit is off limits. 

In one week I was diagnosed with cancer, Aaron diagnosed with a broken back.  That my friends, is ALOT to take in.  A friend of mine writes a blog. Allison wrote about how she would often spend time worrying about the "what ifs" in life.  What if something happened to her children, her husband, herself?  All of the sudden those what ifs were a reality for us.  Yet through it all we are fine!  The sun did come up the next day.  Our time spent at home was some of the most enjoyable I have had since I moved away.  No, I didn't get to see near the friends I had planned on, but those I did see I spent "quality" time with.  Through this whole "adventure", as we call it, I have learned to slow down (and for anyone who knows me, my calendar is jam packed!).  Some of the slowing down I didn't have a choice in the matter.  But other things I have. For that I am grateful.

As we begin the new year, many will make resolutions. A list per say to check off.  My challenge to you this year isn't just to "go through the motions" (I highly recommend the Matthew West song, "Going through the motions".).  Don't just check off those resolutions or become disappointed if they don't pan out.  Truly enjoy what God has given you.  Spend the extra 10 minutes with your family, facebook, twitter and pintrest can wait.  And those little inconveniences that arise in our lives, those are intentional.  They are a small little nudge from God, a reminder that He really does have things under control if we would just let them play out.  The funny thing as humans though, we often over look them, get mad about them, allow the frustration to overflow to other parts of our lives and take it out on others.  That wasn't His plan. The spilled drink at breakfast is there to remind you in a few short years your child will be grown and away from home, you will miss wiping up the mess and cleaning the chocolate milk mustache off their face.  And your spouse, they didn't mean to forget the milk at the store, they were just in awe of how obnoxious Walmart is and thinking how thankful they are that you grocery shop for the whole family. Tonight hug your loved ones a little bit longer.  Allow that kiss to rest on your wife's forehead for a few extra seconds.  Spend a few extra minutes chatting with you neighbors.  You see, these are the really important things in life.  God wants you to enjoy them, He longs to see you happy and sometimes He just has to throw a bump in the road to remind us!

SURVIVOR~ a word that took on a whole new meaning

As I sit here and type this, I think about the word...survivor.  It has so many meanings and so many visions pass through my mind.  There are those that survived a financial hardship, some survive school, others survive natural disasters, war, divorces, and the list goes on and on.  The picture at the forefront of my mind tonight is the purple shirt of Relay for Life.  You see, that purple shirt represents a person who is a cancer survivor.  How do I know that you might wonder?  My sister, she is a survivor.  A two time thyroid cancer survivor.  I have spent countless hours raising funds for Relay for Life as a committee member and chairman.  I did it be cause I cared and I did it to honor my sister, who is the strongest woman I know! Why is all of this relevant?

On December 14th, 2011, my world changed.  I was told by the doctor I had cancer.  What? Really?  Me?  NOOOOO... I have always been the relatively healthy one in our family.  Yes, over the past few years I have had a couple of small things pop up, but nothing major.  How could this be?  So this blog is me, accepting the fact that now I am a survivor.  At the time my doctor told be, my world went blank.  I wanted to pretend she was talking about someone else (how selfish is that?) I refused to cry.  How is it that two minutes before I was a sister of a survivor and then, BAM, now I am a survivor.  I told my immediate family and a couple close friends (one who is also a cancer survivor), but other than that, the word cancer was NOT coming out of my mouth!  For a few days it didn't, when asked about my pathology reports I tried changing the subjects or saying, "oh it wasn't that great, but I will be fine."  FINE?!?!? I was ANYTHING but fine!  I was scared, mad, in shock, trying to function as always, but with a HUGE white elephant in my brain!  Yes, I prayed (I am a firm believer in prayer!), I think I even tried bargaining with God. Then it hit me...I was SUPPOSED to be on this path I had no intention of ever walking!  You see, God has a way of doing that.  He places us on paths and journeys in life we have no intention of taking part of.  But this is His plan for me.  He promises that His plans are for us to prosper and not to be harmed.  At first it wasn't that comforting.  Not harmed?  HELLO, I HAD CANCER!!!!!  But wait, I am still here!  I am a SURVIVOR!  I realized one day before we left to visit family for Christmas that my journey with cancer is an opportunity.  It is an opportunity to live out my faith.  A faith that regardless of the curveballs this life throws at me WILL NOT budge!  A faith that can move mountains, a faith that when I want to cry, it reminds me that my savior willing died for ME!  A faith that has brought me through my husband's deployment, moving away from my friends and family, and the ability to say I am a better person because I endured it!  Today I stand before you a survivor of thyroid cancer.  Do I know the final results of all of this?  No, I have an upcoming appointment where I will learn more.  But I have already learned two of the most important lessons; I WILL survive this and God's plans are much bigger and better than the small little view I have of my world and that gives me more hope than I could ever imagine!

I leave you with this to ponder...What is it that you have survived?  The thing that you thought you wouldn't make it through, but have? Did you learn and grow because of it?  Did you make it through it because of your faith?  Let me know!  And in the mean time I will be praying for all of the survivors out there!